How do you handle it when your best friend and love of your life doesn’t value you or you relationship?
How do you deal when the person you love, the one you chose to be with forever, is willing to give up everything?
What makes this person do that?
How do you handle knowing that your best wasn’t good enough?
Do you go along and give up the fight or do you keep fighting?
For how long?
What if this person is behaving like someone that you don’t know and don’t care to know?
Knowing that my all wasn’t enough for him, that he rejected everything I am, has carved a chunk out of what self-esteem I did have.
Half the time I hate him for doing this and the other half I’m miserable because he’s made me feel like a failure. We can’t even talk right now with me being accusatory and him resorting to stony silence. That hurts. That was the one thing that we could always do….talk.
I miss my best friend. I miss my lover. I miss my helpmate, my partner in crime. I miss the man I fell in love with, his thoughtfulness and kindness. I miss the man I thought he was.
Something in me is irreparably broken and that broken piece will affect future relationships. Or this one if, for some reason, he woke up from his stupor and realized what he was doing.
It’s knowing that my best wasn’t good enough and that he can’t even tell me why and won’t what he needs.
Because he doesn’t want it from me anymore.
I must find a way to let this, and him, go.