Happy Father’s Day To Me

I haven’t been the greatest father the past couple of months, but I’ve done everything in my power to be the best parent possible.

Today was a trigger for me. I had dreams about my husband all night. Every time I awoke and went back to sleep I had another dream about him. It’s not like I wanted it, blah, I would much rather have had great sex dreams or something.

Unfortunately, my psyche decided otherwise.

My dreams were about him searching for something that I can’t remember. I do know he was so upset because I wouldn’t help him and he couldn’t find it with the help of any of his friends only with me.


I suppose I am still trying to understand everything, when I don’t think I ever will. I’m not made of the same stuff as he is. So, there is no answer to the “whys” or “how could yous,” because I will never really get it.

But, that’s okay.

I’m just ready to get divorced (not really) and be done with it. I’m ready to get the people who don’t value and believe in me out of my life.

I keep telling myself that this is a challenge, not a problem. After almost 13 months of separation, I don’t think I believe myself.

I do see the issues in our marriage as challenges and not problems. However, you can tell the worth of a person by how they deal with the issues in their life.

Do they run from them or do they face them and make their life happier?

The power you feel when you realize that you DO have control of your life, your emotions, and who you let into your life is amazing.  It’s true, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


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