Detachment: A Letter My Husband Will Never Read

It’s my only option.

If I want to make it through this unscathed, I must detach and do it now.

You know the way home, but you choose not to use it and the path is narrowing by the hour. The countdown to Big D finalization has begun.. The day you go away for good is the day I’ve lost you completely.

I dread it.

My head is saying “he doesn’t want you, he’s leaving, move the fuck on,” but my heart isn’t listening. I need to start detaching now so my heart has time to grieve.

    I hope you’re prepared for that.
    When I’m done, I won’t look back.

Please, leave me alone if you have no intention to be the man in my life. Let me detach my soul and very being and start living again.

Let me grieve the loss of our love, our life, and what might have been.

I’ve waited over a year for you to choose me and you’ve never done so completely. 

I’m done waiting. I have to be. Otherwise I’ll never survive this with my heart intact.

Please, let me get on with life and learn to love myself. It’s what you want, so it’s what I’m doing. Please. Just leave me be.

I’m can’t be yours anymore and I’m not sure how to be my own. Soon….soon, we’ll be like strangers. Strangers whose souls and lives entwined for a short time

I’m so tired of feeling sad. I don’t understand how you can get on with life so easily. Are the ones that can detach and get over things quickly, the ones who didn’t love strongly in the first place?

“Adieu! I have too grieved a heart to take a tedious leave.” 
~ William Shakespeare

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