Experiencing the Joy in Isolation

Instead of finding the joy in the present, instead of experiencing the joy in isolation & the comfort of my own presence, I’ve pushed myself until I’m at my breaking point. 

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I’ve isolated myself again.

This seems to happen when there’s a conflict between my actions and my very nature, when I’m not at peace with the road I’ve chosen. So, it’s time to slow down, think, and figure out what I need to do to get on the right track.

I have no idea what I’m doing, I’m completely lost, but I know forcing myself to feel okay, to let go, to be silent isn’t the way for me to move on. It just causes anxiety and makes me feel a little crazy. I’ve never been patient, especially not with myself, but I’m learning. I’m learning how to just be.

I’ll let go and move forward in my own time.

I pushed myself to be silent and uncommunicative. I started a war between my actions and my feelings and I haven’t felt peaceful since. I’ve felt anxious and frantic, teary and impatient. Instead of finding the joy in the present, instead of experiencing the joy in isolation & the comfort of my own presence, I’ve pushed myself until I’m at my breaking point.

Note to self:
Stop thinking of what you ought to be doing, stop worrying about being open to the wrong person, stop listening to other people, and be your vulnerable, honest, loving, passionate, funny, amazing self.
Only by doing this will you find any peace.

Eventually, I’ll get to the place where my feelings and actions are in agreement. And I know things will be okay in the end.

Time will see to that.

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