Your Soul Mate Isn’t Who You Think

Your soul mate balances you.

Years ago, during some of my darkest times, I read a quote that stuck with me. It stuck with me because it hearkened back to something my mother told me when I was a small girl.

The man who gives you butterflies and makes your heart beat faster isn’t the man for you. Find the one who makes you feel safe and calm, who makes you laugh and think, who makes you feel secure.

The man who gives you all of these things is the one for you.

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She was right.
Sadly, I took her words with a grain of salt. I’ve never been one to listen to sage advice, preferring to do everything the hard way.  And, when it comes to love, I’ve always let butterflies and pretty words overrule any reservations I had, unfortunately.

As I’ve gotten older and opened my eyes to infinity,  I’ve learned that serenity and security supersede excitement and adventure when it comes to love. The man or woman who gives you a sense of safety and happiness, is the one you should choose. Those butterflies and “OMG” moments go away and then what are you left with?

A heart full of cynicism and regret.

So, maybe you’ve met “the one“. Maybe you’ve met him/her and you pushed him/her aside for what was exciting or new. And maybe when you did that (s)he closed his/her heart to you and you lost your person.


Is it because we, as a society, prefer the increase dopamine that a new, exciting partner gives us?

Visual media is constantly in our face, telling us “fuck getting to know someone, an instant PHYSICAL connection is what you need.”

I call bullshit.

I’ve known people who have these instant, amazingly beautiful mental connections with another person and they reject them because there is no fire, no physical passion. Can’t that come later? Can’t people get to know one another, fall in love, and work to build smoldering physical intimacy unlike any they’ve known? Can’t people be happy while being content? Do we need angst and power plays to think we’re in love?

Or am I too romantic and idealistic under all this cynicism?


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